my heart says...

Date : 13 th November 2011 Its been a year, since... “Hey, I wanna say you something, its just my feeling for you. If you also feel the same, then say the same else just forget it... I wanted to say this to you on January 7 th 2007 itself, but...” I remember saying this on the mid-night of 9 th January or early hours of 10 th . “Okay... tell me...” she said in an expression of knowing what I wanted to say. Mobile communication has become dirt cheap by then in India. Though the prices vary between different states/provinces, per call difference was just a few paise. I was to be charged around 50 paise per minute which sums up to 30INR an hour. We used to talk for hours together on mobiles at night after everyone at home slept. Approximately, on the consecutive third hour of our chat that night I said to her “I love you!” I met her in the first semester of my 2 nd year of graduation. She's a university topper. I was in the corridor wi...

Neelalakasam natho neekosam kanneerae varshinchena, Nee thodu lonae nityam undalanna kalae kadhaga migilaena, Niku teliyada naa vaedana... niku teliyada na aavaedana... Dooram lona digulentundo monnae telisenae, Nuvve naku dooram avaganae... Badha anna padamae vinna ardham telisenae, Nannu Kadanukunna nee maata vinaganae... Yeda lothulo yedo, vyadha maatulo yedo, kanneetila yedo, Kala migilenae... Neethonae Sagalane na jeevitham, ika... Nee jathalo karagalanae migilunna ee kaalam... Yerai paarae naa kannerae varadaina sare, Nalo vedananu kadapanae ledulae... Naa chuttura yentho mandi untunnasare, Nakai asalu nae kuda laenulae... Naalona chaeravae, Nannu dochukunnavae, Ontariga vadilavae, Oka oohala... Kanumarugai, Kariganulae oka gnyapakamai nene, Migilanu lae oka gathamunai neekae... Neelalakasam natho neekosam kanneerae varshinchena, Nee thodu lonae nityam undalanna kalae kadhaga migilaena, Niku teliyada naa vaedana?... niku teliyada na aavaedana?...

"Mandutendala madhyalo, vadagalula vedilo, varuna meghamai vacchila, na aasalanu adiyasalu chesavaela?..." “Its still 4:30? Approximately an hour ago when I looked into it, it was showing 4:30. I then found that the seconds needle isn't moving, so how could the others do? Okay, let's ask someone...” I thought after looking into my watch. “Excuse me! What's the time by your watch?” I asked a stranger. “5:15pm” he replied & left. I walked five steps to my left & bought a soft drink from a grocery. Lit a fag & sipped the drink waiting for my cousin at her college. A girl with long silky jet black hair left loose, just walked from my left hand side to right & was moving quick into the crowd on the pavement. The fragrance from her hair mesmerized me & I realized that she should be the girl “I can never forget!” I started running behind her & in just a few hops.... we were facing each other... & I said... ...

ఏ కల కోరి , అడుగిటు పదేనో? ఏ దరి గూర్చి, నావిటు సాగేనో? దిసలె తప్పి, ముప్పని తెలిసి, ఆగక సాగక సతమౌతూ, చుట్టూ మన్నే కనపడుతున్నా, తీరం కోరి అడుగేస్తున్న... అదిగో అల్లంత దూరం లోన, కొలను ల నీరే కనపడుతున్నా, ఆఘ మేఘాన అడుగులు సాగినా, దూరం దరికీ రానని అందే... ఎమీమాయని అలసిన మేనిని, అడుగుల వేగం నిలిపిన నయమని, ఎటుకై చూచిన విధి వల కలదని, ఆ భ్రమలో బ్రతుకును బలికానివ్వకని... గమ్యం తెలియనీ పయనం లోన, వ్యర్ధం అయఎనీ ఉరకల లోన, తీరం కనపడు తరుణం ఎపుదని? కనపడు తీరం చేరేదేన్నాడని? విధాత అడిగిన బదులే లేక, అడుగులు సాగేనే నిలుపను లేక!!! Ye kala kori adugitu padeno? ye dari goorchi naavitu saageno? disale thappi, muppani telisi, aagaka saagaka satamoutu, chuttu mannae kanapaduthunna, teeram kori adugesthunna... adigo allantha dooram lona, kolanu la neerae kanapaduthunna, aagha meghana adugulu saagina, dooram darikae raanani andae... yemeemayani alasina menini, adugula vegam nilipina nayamani, yetukai chuchina vidhi vala kaladani...

ఏదో బాధే ఎదలో ఉన్నా, మదిలో వ్యధలే మెదులుతూ ఉన్నా, కన్నుల నీరే ఏరవుతున్న, చిరునవ్వులనే చిలికిస్తున్నా... తానే ఎదలో నివసిస్తుంటే, ఎదలో వ్యధలే ఎందుకు అంటే? ఎదలో తానే ఎపుడూ ఉన్నా, ఎదార్ధమున ఒంటరినయ్యనని, మదియే బదులుగా తెలుపగనే విని, నాలో నేనే విలపిస్తున్న... బాధే తోడై బ్రతుకుతూ ఉన్నా!... కలలో నిత్యం చూస్తూ ఉంటె, కన్నుల నీరే ఏలని అంటే? కలలో కాలం చెల్లించలేక, ఇలలో ఎపుడూ తను ఎదురవక, ఒంటిగా నిలిచినా ఇరు కన్నులలో, నీరే ఏరై పారాలన్న... తననే నిలుపుకున్నా కన్నులలో, నీటికి చోటే లేదని తలచి, మదిలో వ్యధలే మెదులుతూ ఉన్నా, చిరునవ్వులనే చిలికిస్తున్నా!... Baadha!... Yedoo baadhe yedalo unna, madilo vyadhale medulutu unna, kannula neerae yaeravuthunna, chirunavvulanae chilikisthunna... taanae yedalo nivasisthunte, yedalo vyadhalae yenduku ante? yedalo taanae yepudu unna, yedaardhamuna ontarinaiyyanani, madiye baduluga telupaganae vini, naalo nene vilapisthunna... baadhe todai brathukutu unna!... kalalo nithyam chusthu unte, ...

కలలో నీవే, ఇలలోన లేవే... యెదలో నీవే, ఎదురై నువ్వు రావే... నయనాన నీ రూపం నీరై కరిగెనే... నిదురకు దూరం అయ్యాను, కలలే కల్లయి నిలిచాను, వేదన పడ్డాను... నిన్న మొన్న నేడు రేపు, తేడ నాకు లేనే లేదు... నిన్నే తలచి నే నిలిచాను, తోడే లేక మిగిలున్నాను... శూన్యం లోన ఉన్నట్టుందే!!! In English: Ontaritanam!!! kalalo neevae, ilalona laevae... yeda lo neevae, yedurai nuvvu raavae... nayanaana nee roopam neerai karigenae... niduraku dooram ayyanu, kalalae kallai nilichanu, vaedana paddanu... ninna monna nedu repu, teda naku lene laedu... ninne talachi nilichunnanu, thode laeka nae migilanu, soonyam lona unnatunde!!!

Punnami vennela rathiri lo na, Kannula cheekatae kammukununna, Niduralo kannulu musukuntunna, Yeda nee roopamae chupistondae... Manasae kaluvai kachukuni unna, Vennela velugulu ravani telisina, Kaluvala kannula ninnu chusthunna, Nee navvula vennelae aasisthunna... Chandruni vennela yendarinandina, Ningi ki matramae chendunu anna, Nijamae kaluvaku telise unna, Nee oohala lonae jeevisthondae...

Call me if you remember the love in my eyes, oh my love... call me if you remember the warmth in my breath, oh my love... don't you remember that moment, when I had first expressed my love... don't you remember the feel in me, every time when you were in front of me... don't you remember all those moments, that we had spent together... don't you remember all those times when, I was sleeping in your laps... call me if you remember, the pain in my eyes when going apart... call me if you remember, the tingle in my voice, when you last spoke to me...

Vodka with orange juice, combi known as Screwdriver... having on a weekend night in the gallery of a high-rise tower... talking on topics like business, politics & whatever... thinking like mallayya, manmohan & every celebrity figure... driving on a screw by screw, lubricating with a fag by fag, sitting on the vertices of a virtual triangle... changing topics at an fps of a motion picture, drove our screws till the early hours... ending all the parleys & having reached to beds... our spines got parallel to ground, asking for rest... woke up at our morning, when people have their lunch, grabbed some coffee & thinking on the night's hash over... finding out the topics one by one, identifying the locus turn by turn... arrived back to the point of derivation, laughing and driving out of Hangover!

Jeevinchedela naenae, nuvvu laekanae??? Manasaemi tochanantundae, nuvvu laekanae... Telipaedela naa jeevitham nuvvu laeka yemaindo... Chirakala sikhsha la saepam la maarindae... Telipaedela naa vaedana Badhentha bharamo vivarinchina... Jeevinchedela naenae, nuvvu laekanae??? Yedaloni savvadi aagindae, nuvvu laekanae...

Riding my bike on the roads that I once used the most for the previous half-a-decade carrying loads of dreams first comes the place where I found my love & lost myself in her love... till then I wasn't able to define it & from then I had no words to express it... she is the one who has introduced a new phase of my life to me... she made me realize my dreams & promised to be with me... proceeding forward, arrived my destination... that part of earth, where my life lives... she was wearing a green-white dress in her usual single pleat style hair... I was standing beside her & her fragrance mesmerized me... for a second, I forgot why I was there, & she smiled at me again, but her eyes were asking a question... “Will you accept me now at least?”, I asked in reply... my heart got heavy & pulse came down... a pain that was haunting me from years, has got its intensity to the peaks & my eyes opened up realizing that I just woke up, I reminded...

Girl: Lets Break-up! Boy: Is this the only solution? Girl: May not be.... but the only one I could implement. Boy: I feel you parents would accept me, you should have given a try... Girl: Its of no use now... Boy: but you said that they are still looking for a groom... Girl: Iam Engaged! Boy: Wow! Congrats! (with a smirk on face). Girl: Thanks & Never try to contact me again... Boy: Am i that bad towards you? Girl: No & that doesn't matter anymore... Bye... Boy: but... I still Love you!

Sitting in the room, with a system on the lap... unlocking every time it goes standby... thinking of doing something, but don't know, what? Opening the browse & staring at it... checking the mail box again n again, knowing that a new mail makes my hand-held device ring... thinking of what to do, my fingers stay on the keys, & eyes stare at the screen... feeling like doing something, that produces some adrenalin... answer for which being unknown, I stare at the screen, unlock it once again... feeling like walking on a road, though not alone, but surrounded by complete loneliness & immense darkness... I stare at the screen unlocking it once again... feel like writing a poem, describing the state-of-my-mind... feel like making a film, depicting the encounters within me... but, Iam neither a poet, rhyming my feeling... nor Iam an actor, portraying emotions of manipulation... & one more dawn of frustration turns into, the darkness of night, in a matter-of-c...

I wake up every morning, Searching for some light, That frees me from the darkness, That was filled in my heart... ...Darkness that found its way When I first flew over the oceans leaving my mother land far away Searching for light illuminating my life ...Darkness that was growing strong every moment Away so long & that when I knew, she left me It has filled up all, in & around me ...I forgot the meaning of happiness, so as my smile ...& I lost my love, so as my life ...Also, the brightest of the days, Failed to fill some light, & the longest of the days, Failed to stay for a moment ...Now, the heart is searching for darkness To hide the pain in the eyes, & the waters flowing from them, The heart's searching for darkness Also during the days, only to find some light, That can illuminate my life... Days are followed by nights, & nights are followed by days, Saying neither accompanies alone till the end, Explaining the hearts filled wit...

Udayamu laechina samayamu modalu, Gajibiji adugula urakalu modalu, Adugulu adigina prasnala badulu, Kalam saitam mounam modalu... Tallini veedi taralina modalu, Teeram dataga telisina vyadhalu, Tallini talachina teerani digulu, Yevariki telupaka yedanae medulu... Yevariki telupaka nilipina sodhalu, Manasuna manasae satamata modalu, Kalam thonae raaji gurchi, Cheekati chevilo kaburulu cheppukommani, Kalam telipina tarunamu modalu... Udayam laechina samayamu modalu, Tadabadu adugula urakala modalu, Urakala adugula prasnala badulu, Chupulae vaechenu raeyikai pagaluu....

Oohala ooyala oogina velala, Ooginadenduko teliyaledela? Ooyala oopulu aagina velala, Aaginavenduko teliyaledela? Aagina nijamunu nammaledela? Ooyala oopuna daagina haayini, Ooriki telipe samayam korakani, Oohala lonae nilipina manasuni, Ooriki Relipae tarunamu ledani, Manasuni manasae namminchedela? Naalo swasani nilipina aasani, Neekai thoduga neetho nilavamani, Nene lenani neethonaenani, Nithyam ninne talachinadela? Oohalu nijamaye margamu ledani, Nijamune oohaga malache sakthini, Ningi needalo naela thodulo, Yevarini korina teeranidaenani, Telisina kani nammaedi yela? Oohala oosulu talache manasuni, Manasuna aasalu raepina talapuni, Aasala swasalakavi cheppoddani, Manasuni manasaenoppinchedela? Talachina talapulu talupulu thattina, Talupulu terichina taaneduravvani, Tarunamu tanuvuna swasaeyelani? Adigina manasuna tanae undani taanaeyundani, Telisinantana nilichina swasani, Ontaridaina oohala thoduna payanamu sagani...

Virahamae kavula hridayana suryodayam, Vaedanae kavula kalamulu kuripinche pada varsham, Vidhiye kavula oohala matuna vedam, Idiye andukoka nidarsanam!

Ninne nimpukunna naa kannullo, Neerae nimpavaemae cheliya... Neetho sagina swasalanae, Ontari chesavemae cheliya... Tolichupu lonae kannula nindi, Kalalalo kuda Neevae nilichi... Ilanae kalaga malachavaemi, Kalalae kallani kada terchavemi? Veluguku cheekati thodani vinna, Velugula venakala cheekati kanna... Naalo veluguvu neevai nilichi, Cheekati cheralo vadilavaemi? Neekai nilichina nalo swasa ni, Neetho nadiche naalo aasa ni, Naalo needaina naa manasu ni, Ontarini chesavamae cheliya? Ninne nimpukunna naa kannullo, Neerae nimpavaemae cheliya? Neetho sagina swasalanae, Ontari chesavemae cheliya?

Yedalo yepudu taanae unna, Yedurayae nimisham ika ledanna... Kalalo kanapadi kavvistundae, Ilalo kalavadam kallani andae... Ninne mariche kshanam aedante, Yedalo chalanam lenapudaenanna... Ninne mariche prayatnamulonu, Nannae marachi ninne talacha... Neetho gadipina okko kshanamu, Ipudu yedalo meduluthu unde... Neevae yedurai ika raavanna, Oohala ooyala aganu andae...

I lost my heart, The 1st time i saw you... I've been searching from then, and found it in you... I felt the difficulty in living without it, and started moving around you... Slowly i've come closer to you, and asked for the heart with you... You haven't returned mine, but gave me yours... feeling the freshness in every breath, I've submitted my life to you... To be continued... :)