Evenings of Frustration!

Sitting in the room, with a system on the lap...

unlocking every time it goes standby...

thinking of doing something, but don't know, what?

Opening the browse & staring at it...

checking the mail box again n again,

knowing that a new mail makes my hand-held device ring...

thinking of what to do, my fingers stay on the keys,

& eyes stare at the screen...

feeling like doing something,

that produces some adrenalin...

answer for which being unknown,

I stare at the screen, unlock it once again...

feeling like walking on a road,

though not alone, but surrounded

by complete loneliness & immense darkness...

I stare at the screen unlocking it once again...

feel like writing a poem, describing the state-of-my-mind...

feel like making a film, depicting the encounters within me...

but, Iam neither a poet, rhyming my feeling...

nor Iam an actor, portraying emotions of manipulation...

& one more dawn of frustration turns into,

the darkness of night, in a matter-of-course...

with a call for a fag thickening the clouds in the skies,

I forget everything, hoping for a difference with a smirk on the face...

Comments

& It was again a Dream!...

"Mandutendala madhyalo, vadagalula vedilo, varuna meghamai vacchila, na aasalanu adiyasalu chesavaela?..." “Its still 4:30? Approximately an hour ago when I looked into it, it was showing 4:30. I then found that the seconds needle isn't moving, so how could the others do? Okay, let's ask someone...” I thought after looking into my watch. “Excuse me! What's the time by your watch?” I asked a stranger. “5:15pm” he replied & left. I walked five steps to my left & bought a soft drink from a grocery. Lit a fag & sipped the drink waiting for my cousin at her college. A girl with long silky jet black hair left loose, just walked from my left hand side to right & was moving quick into the crowd on the pavement. The fragrance from her hair mesmerized me & I realized that she should be the girl “I can never forget!” I started running behind her & in just a few hops.... we were facing each other... & I said... ...

In search of light

I wake up every morning, Searching for some light, That frees me from the darkness, That was filled in my heart... ...Darkness that found its way When I first flew over the oceans leaving my mother land far away Searching for light illuminating my life ...Darkness that was growing strong every moment Away so long & that when I knew, she left me It has filled up all, in & around me ...I forgot the meaning of happiness, so as my smile ...& I lost my love, so as my life ...Also, the brightest of the days, Failed to fill some light, & the longest of the days, Failed to stay for a moment ...Now, the heart is searching for darkness To hide the pain in the eyes, & the waters flowing from them, The heart's searching for darkness Also during the days, only to find some light, That can illuminate my life... Days are followed by nights, & nights are followed by days, Saying neither accompanies alone till the end, Explaining the hearts filled wit...

A Dream...

Riding my bike on the roads that I once used the most for the previous half-a-decade carrying loads of dreams first comes the place where I found my love & lost myself in her love... till then I wasn't able to define it & from then I had no words to express it... she is the one who has introduced a new phase of my life to me... she made me realize my dreams & promised to be with me... proceeding forward, arrived my destination... that part of earth, where my life lives... she was wearing a green-white dress in her usual single pleat style hair... I was standing beside her & her fragrance mesmerized me... for a second, I forgot why I was there, & she smiled at me again, but her eyes were asking a question... “Will you accept me now at least?”, I asked in reply... my heart got heavy & pulse came down... a pain that was haunting me from years, has got its intensity to the peaks & my eyes opened up realizing that I just woke up, I reminded...

my heart says...

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